Exhausted

"There's not much to do, really", said the doctor. "Your body is worn out, and you just need to rest and take better care of yourself. When you do that, the problems will go away on their own. All I can prescribe you now is TLC..."

For most of the weekend I was a good little kitty. An argument with my B-sister had me throwing up again in the bathroom at the mall; and boy, was my body happy to get rid of that load.

I am spending a lot more time in bed, though. This makes Paprika very happy; she considers this to be a very worthy pastime.

The Aftermath

The dust may settle slowly, deep cuts linger
But pain burns onto peeling skin, no deeper.
Let guided will alone be memory's keeper,
When hands start reaching, finger after finger.

Fallen Angel

To those, who just like me, are asking "Why",
To those who left me there to bleed and die,
To those rewarding loyalty with pain,
To those with faith to see me there again:

To say "I did it my way" sounds like tripe,
But still these are the words I choose to type.
I hope you're strong enough to see this through.
It won't be long until you're silenced too.

Traitors

Now voice by voice is hushed, and silence falls,
Dark secrets only whispered through the walls.
The light of inspiration falls too short,
Spies lurk tween lines, all traitors to report.

Why should your Angels thus be ruled by fear,
By those who claim to be your mouth and ears?
This is not what we've come together for...
We love you still, and we can say no more.

Report II: Keeping Brother Beak In The Loop

Whatever I can do with these few words,
I shall keep doing till I'm told to cease,
As long as harm may lurk within those boards,
In all good faith, I cannot find my peace.
I have informed the other two in charge,
What news of this has reached you, I know not;
But last night, friends said, she was still at large;
This time, I'm told, *I* filled the slandered's spot.

Why should your Angels thus be ruled by fear,
By those who claim to be your mouth and ears?

That's OK. I Don't Wanna Be Friends With Liars, Either

And the flames burned away
But you're still spitting fire
Makes no difference what you say
You're still a liar.


("Troy", Sinead O'Connor)

Why Suicide Seems So Attractive Sometimes

17:00. Phone call from my sister:

Sister: "Hey there. How are you?"
Me: "Fine. You?"
Sister: "Great, everything's great. We missed you at the family lunch today."
Me: "Oh."
Sister: "Why didn't you come?"
Me: "For obvious reasons, I'd think."
Sister: "Which are?"
Me: "Well, that I didn't feel like being pulled into mom's emotional manipulation roller coaster again, and being accused by her that I'm the cause of all her sorrows; and that I knew that if I sat down and had lunch with you, I'd end up purposely vomiting in the restaurant bathroom after dessert."
Sister: "Oh. Yeah, that sounds like good reasons."
Me: "I thought you might agree with me on that."
Sister: "Well, have a nice day. Bye now!"
Me: "Bye."

Watch Out! (To My Virtual Brother)

Watch out, my boy, watch out: the ones you trust
Know everything, except for what they can't.
I see the things they miss, and now I must
Decide whom I shall tell, and whom I shan't.

By trying to protect you, they keep out
The most important news that must be known
While gossipers spread rumours all about;
The damage you might have to bear alone.

I still think that these wrongs can be adjusted;
If only they'd believe I can be trusted!...

You Used Me, Didn't You?

You were using me the whole time. Pretending to be my friend, when all you wanted was to get closer to him. Good Gaia, how stupid I can be sometimes... All the hints and messages you wanted to deliver to him through me, all the information you sucked out of me. All the bullshit you fed me.

Yeah, I'm real happy for you both. Just don't ever insult me again by asking me how I am or how I feel. It's not like you really give a shit.

Fucking, fucking stupid.

22:00. What I've eaten all day:

1 Cup of coffee.
1 Cup of tea.
1 Apple, green.

Preparaing soup for dinner. Been a rough weekend.

I Love The Japanese

This is a lovely Japanese bunny, who's owner decided to take for a stroll in the park. As is was a chilly day, Bunny got to wear her lovely new turtle-neck sweater. Fall fashion for Pets, 2007: Better than Armani, if you ask me.

Thank You, Cute O

Some days a good giggle or nice smile make all the difference. Thank you, good people at cuteoverload.com, for filling me up with warm fuzzies when all I wanna do is get rid of everything that's inside.

Different Haiku

So what if I'm weird?
There is no malice in me.
Friend, why so alarmed?

Waning (Paraphrasing "Life's a Bitch")

The moon is waning, waning, waning,
The moon is waning, and so am I.
The clouds are raining, raining, raining
The clouds are raining, and so I cry.
This life is draining, draining, draining,
This life is draining, and so I'll die.