Snail

A snail sits waiting on my window sill,
What change it's hoping for I know not yet,
Perhaps fatigued, perhaps depressed or ill
Perhaps the recent torrents made it fret.

The rains have stopped now, it's a sunny day,
But I've a feeling it'll opt to stay.

1 Super Size Pizza and Some Self-Esteem, Please

Haven't thrown up in almost three days - it was tough, since there were times I really wanted to. The binging almost hasn't stopped. I''ve been working all weekend, and my period's just around the corner, which means raging hormones and carbs, carbs, carbs. I'm going to order pizza, which is neither smart nor frugal of me, but when the binge beckons, the bank account muses ask for extra cheese.

I hope not to throw it up, although my nerves might get the better of me. Furthermore, tomorrow I'm giving a short lecture to a class and it's important to me to get it right - but I haven't had the time to invest in it and get prepared the way I'd like to. Uh well, the night's still young, and if they don't like what I say, I can always shout "Look, bird!" and jump out the window when everyone's head is turned.

A Few Simple Questions

1. If one spews about 10-15 minutes after the initial chewing and swallowing of food, does any of it get digested at all, or is it completely useless in terms of nutrition?

2. Is it morally wrong to actually enjoy the benefits of bulimia?

3. Is there any way to make bulimia safer? For example, detemine certain binging-followed-by-spewing times that would be sufficiently sparse in order to avoid cumulative damage?

4. Would my sister give a flying fuck if she knew?

5. Do I even care about that anymore?

Gaia Chant

Earth My ancient mother
Earth my mother Gaia
Mother hear my cry
Beyond space and time

Gaia bless my body
Gaia bless my mind
Blessed be, my Goddess
Fill my heart with love.

Bulimian Rhapsody (Haiku Style)

It's called Pro Mia
Giving you control at last
So free, so easy.

בולימית בהרצה

פיתחתי מן מנהג משונה, מגונה, ומהנה במובנים מסוימים;
אני אוכלת ארוחה יפה, ואז מקיאה אותה, מדי שבעה ימים.
לא יודעת למה, אבל ככה זה יצא, שבכל יום שבת
אחרי האוכל, מתחשק לי לזנק לשירותים ולהקיא מעט.
כבר קרה שהקאתי בימים אחרים במשך השבוע,
אבל כבר שלושה שבועות, זה יוצא בשבת, לא ברור מדוע;
אולי כי ביום המנוחה, סוף סוף גם לגוף יש מה להגיד.
ומה שמפחיד אותי בכל העניין הוא, שזה כמעט בכלל לא מפחיד
אני אפילו מתייחסת לזה בתור מן תחביב שכזה, חביב ומצחיק
ולכן בעצם, עד כמה שזה לא בריא, אין לי סיבה להפסיק.
כל עוד זה לא קורה ממש כל יום, זה לא בדיוק בולימיה
המחלה היחידה שיש לי עוד "רשמית", זו רק הדיסתימיה.
אני שמחה שאמא ואבא לא יודעים, יש להם מספיק צרות
גם אחי ואחותי לא, אף אחד בעצם, גם לא החברות,
רק הפסיכולוגית - שדווקא כן יודעת - לא נשמעת כל כך מרוצה.
אבל בינתיים, כל שבעה ימים בערך, אני מקיאה.
כי ככה אני רוצה.

Get A Move On, Boys

Finally saw "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" last night. As always - loved the gags, loved the Weasley twins, loved the fine British actors, but the editing was problematic, as usual. They have such a tight schedule with these films, I suppose it's difficult to keep everything perfectly coherent and well balanced. But that's not the point...

The point is - there were at least 3 scenes where Harry and Ron first have a fight, and then make up. The tention between them, intentional or otherwise, was almost tangible... I can't help the feeling that the only thing standing between that scene and a passionate kiss between the boys is the fact that it's a supposedly "Family" movie. Wouldn't that be something - This young icon discovering the marvellous, peculiar world of bisexuality. With all due respect - Fuck Cho Chang, I wanna see the boys getting it on!

Apparently, I'm not the only one on the Internet who's thought about it...

Where Do We Go From Here

Keep up with the music and don't miss a beat
Listen closely and hang on the edge of your seat
As the master of ceremonies calls the next act
Keep it cool, keep it there, stay alert, stay intact
So she left, so she went, so that's that, so who cares
It's a roundabout life, it's the state of affairs
Never postulate much on the loss of a friend
You may just as well reach the circumference's end.

Vampire

I sit at home and eat my future's dreams,
No dreams could seem so sweet to me as these.
So future holds them down upon their knees
Serves me their necks to feed on lushing screams.

Coolness

Life is funny. Yesterday I decided that I pretty much don't give a fuck about what other people think about me and my looks - so I allowed myself to come to work with two braids, the way my mom used to do my hair when I was little. It looks quite cute, even now, if I may say so myself. Normally, I just pick up my hair in a ponytail and it looks pretty miserable... but this time I felt like doing something more lively, even if it is a bit silly.

Next thing I know, some girl at my office says it looks really nice, and we start talking about hair... and it turns out she has a friend who's looking for volunteers to have hair extensions, for an article is a beauty magazine... I'd love to, say I, I'm pretty desperate with this hair anyway, it's so mousy and thin...

So it's not 100% certain yet, but... Wouldn't it be great? I need to keep my expectations lowered... just in case... still, nice coincidence.


And nice to discover I still have a girly side to me... fun fun.

No Title

My arms are tired from embracing faceless pillows,
My eyes grow tired watcing seeds of hope
Turn into weeping willows.
A soothing word is scarcely heard when needed most.
My arms are weary from impersonating lovers,
My eyes turn red and add another drop
Of shame to cobwebbed covers.
The sweetest kiss has gone amiss, as has its host.

Inventory (AKA Say that 5 times quickly)

Some basic babble,
Daily dabble,
Roaming rabble,
Miming motion,
Numbing notion,
Poison potion,
Wistful witching,
Sluggish stitching,
Bitter bitching,
Smartass slow-wit,
Pithy poet,
Don't I know it.

Anhedonia

As the new year touches ground,
Happy New Year, Father.
Sweet birds chirping all around,
Happy New Year, Mother.
Celebrate togetherness,
Happy New Year, Sister.
Feel the joy and happiness,
Happy New Year, Brother.

How fortunate I am indeed to still be with you here.
This frivolous pursuit of mine will last another year.